Convention 04

September 5th 2004, the date of the Guy N. Smith Convention, was once again an incredible day in terms of the weather, leaving one with the impression that Guy knows how to predict the climate months in advance! Unfortunately several fans were unable to attend at the last minute through cars breaking down and family illness. Nevertheless, Guy and Jean send their thanks to members who did attend: Adrian Chamberlin and sister Beverley; Stuart and Alice Woodward, John Osbourne, Mike Ormes, Dan Windley and Carol Windley, Darrell Joyce, Dan Kershaw and Paul Hancox. They travelled, variously, from Hereford, Colchester, Ludlow, Oxfordshire, London, Birmingham!

There are photos available of the occassion here, and additionally Darrell Joyce has kindly written an engaging account of the Convention, establishing a Fan's perspective of the day out, following below.

An Account of the 2004 Guy N. Smith Convention
by Darrel Joyce

This year's Guy N Smith convention was held on Sunday September 5th at Guy's home in Shropshire. I only recently became a fan club member so this was the first time I'd been to one of these events (although shortly before the big day, fliers were sent out explaining that attendance was not restricted to fan club members, and that anyone who wanted to go along was free to do so).

I was accompanied by two friends, Dan Kershaw and Paul Hancox. I'm eternally grateful to them for agreeing to go along with me, because I think the house could have been very difficult to find if we hadn't been driving. It's a long way from any cities and some distance from the nearest village, as well being a considerable distance from any regular bus and train routes.

Luckily, however, we were driving. Dan turned up at my place at 10:15am, and we briefly consulted a map before setting off.

Our first stop was at Paul's house. Dan had actually stopped off there before driving over to my place, only to find that Paul was still in bed (!). Luckily, the return journey to his place didn't take us very far out of our way.

Armed with the roadmap, and a printout of an e-mail giving directions to Guy's house, the place was not too difficult to find - but then, Dan was driving and he's a very good navigator. I wouldn't have known where to start!

The journey took a little longer than expected, but that was no bad thing as we were heading through some of the most spectacular scenery in the country. Driving through valleys and cresting hills that gave breathtaking views of the surrounding countryside, we had the usual conversation that city-bred people have in that situation ("Wouldn't it be great to live out here?" "Yeah, really peaceful and relaxing." "You'd miss having shops and pubs and things on your doorstep though, wouldn't you?" "Yeah, good point, you take a lot for granted when you live in a city." "On second thoughts, the countryside is a great place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live here would you?").

Despite the roadmaps and the e-mail printout, we managed to make a wrong turn at the village of Clun, not far from our destination. It was a simple matter to retrace our steps and go back to the junction where we'd gone astray, though, and soon we were back on track.

We knew we were in the right place when we reached the designated car parking area alongside the house. As we climbed out of the car, we saw Guy himself walking across the courtyard! It was a memorable moment for me - I've read over 30 of his books in the last 9 or 10 years, and seeing him for the first time is something I'm never going to forget. He cut a very unpretentious figure as he strolled over to open the gate and let us in, though, a bearded man in his mid-60s, wearing a cardigan and slacks. He took us inside, leading us into a small room where he ticked our names off a list of expected guests. We were immediately assailed by the family dog, a lovely black and white floppy-eared specimen who enjoyed being made a fuss of and took to us straight away.

When you walk in to Guy Smith's house, you enter a world in which fascinating pieces of GNS memorabilia - such as bookshelves containing various editions of his novels - battle for space with the usual items you would expect to see in any household, such as family photos. The walls of all the main rooms are covered with pictures and decorations, including advertising artwork for some of Guy's books. There are also hundreds of crime novels around, since vintage crime novels are among Guy's favourite books - he has been trading in books for almost as long as he has been writing them.

We walked through to another room where an array of food was set out on a dining table, ready for the guests. When we saw that the food was still covered, our earlier suspicions were confirmed - suspicions that had begun when we approached the house and saw no other cars parked outside. Despite our not having reached the house until 12:30 (designated start time for the convention was 12:00), we were the first guests to arrive!


Guy's wife Jean appeared and greeted us before adjourning to another part of the house while we made our way outside with Guy.

Sitting at a table at the edge of the garden, sipping the drinks Guy had provided, we chatted about everything from cars to life in the countryside. Books were an inevitable topic of conversation, and Guy came out with a few interesting snippets of information during our talk. For instance, he told us that he wrote his first novel, Werewolf by Moonlight, while working for a bank in Birmingham, and actually wrote the entire manuscript on company time ! This might not seem like the most fascinating revelation, but it had a lot of interest for me - I currently work for a bank in Birmingham and would love to be able to give up working in an office and write horror on a full-time basis. And a number of my stories have been written on company time.

Another interesting disclosure was Guy's admission that he has been more successful - from a financial point of view - as a book dealer than he ever was as a writer. Later, when Guy was in the house, Dan asked me if that knowledge put me off writing. I didn't even have to think about how to answer. I said straight away that I'll always write, no matter what. I've long believed that people who write fiction have the writing function hardwired into their brains, and that it has little to do with whether or not they are successful in being published. Our conversation with Guy lent support to this view, since he told us that he has a number of complete but unpublished manuscripts lying unread in the house, awaiting interest from publishers. At an age when many people would be thinking about putting their feet up and enjoying their retirement, he is still producing new fiction even if publication is not guaranteed.

Talking to him about his writing career made me realise how much things have changed for aspiring horror writers since the days when Guy was working at the bank and writing on an amateur basis. He told us that Werewolf by Moonlight was accepted by New English Library on the strength of a few sample chapters, and that the whole process of getting his early novels in print was very easy in those days because the demand for horror fiction (or 'nasties,' as the books were sometimes derisorily called in those days) was very high. I told him how difficult it has been for me to get my horror stories published and he agreed that it is a lot harder than it used to be to break into the market. These days, he lamented, publishers only want books that are guaranteed to sell, such as celebrity biographies.

While we were having this conversation, Stuart Woodward arrived. I knew from Guy's web site and the flier he had sent out in advance of the convention that Stuart was here to demonstrate a new game based on one of Guy's books. Stuart joined us, and he and Guy fell to discussing the game. It was at this point that Guy produced a pouch of tobacco and lit his first pipe of the day. Pipe smoking is a 'very Guy Smith' thing to do (he has written about the politically correct anti-smoking lobby in very scathing terms on more than one occasion!), and I would have been disappointed not to see him light up at least once!

More conventioneers were arriving by this time. We met a number of people over the next few hours, some of whom were familiar to me even though I had never seen them in the flesh before. There were several people from the online chat forum devoted to discussing pulp horror novels, with emphasis on Guy and his writings. Dan Windley, the young man who designed and runs Guy's website and e-mails, also appeared.

At Guy's invitation, we went back into the house and ate our fill of the food he and Jean had provided. One notable thing about this part of the day was the restrained behaviour of the dog. Most dogs would leap up and devour a plate of food left on a chair, but this one restricted herself to begging for scraps (and had so perfected that imploring doggy expression that my friends and I ended up feeding her a feast of sausage rolls and other goodies).

After the food, we went back outside to see that Stuart had started explaining the game to some interested conventioneers. We joined the group and the game commenced.

The Slime Beast was one of Guy's early novels, first appearing in 1975 with a wonderfully lurid pulp cover depicting the title creature. The board game of the same name can be played by 2-6 players, take the roles of characters from the book, with an optional extra player taking the role of the beast. The object is simply to try and kill the beast before it kills you, and there are a variety of ways in which the game can end - it is even possible for the beast itself to win! There are a number of extra features to make the game more entertaining, too, such as the ability to attack other players and steal their treasure (you need a certain amount of treasure to buy the weapons that will kill the beast). The process of playing the game is quite involved and Stuart decided to participate so that he would be able to explain the rules as we went along (he played the part of the slime beast!). His daughter, who had accompanied him specifically to help him demonstrate the game, took the part of one character,Dan Windley took another, attendee John Osborne took a third, and the remaining three were taken by Dan, Paul and myself.

It took us a while to familiarise ourselves with the game procedures, but once we had grasped the basics we were off and running, and The Slime Beast turned out to be an enjoyable game to play. Paul eventually won by picking up the weapon and landing on the right square to attack the beast, winning the 'fight' on a roll of the dice and emerging victorious. Stuart gave us all a copy of his business card and said that we were welcome to e-mail him with any comments/criticisms/general thoughts on the game (which I later did).

I would like to have played again as I was really enjoying it by this time, but it had taken us a while to complete the game and Guy was anxious to move on with the programme. The next item on the agenda was an open invitation to the part of the house that is open to the public as a bookshop - the attic!

Guy and Jean's attic runs the entire length of the house and is filled predominantly with old crime novels. But there is also a section housing various editions of Guy's own books. Anyone can go and browse the contents of the attic, by appointment, at designated times during the week. I was really looking forward to having a look at what was on offer. Ascending the staircase from the ground floor, we passed the second-floor study where Guy does his writing (a very old-fashioned -looking room dominated by a beautiful antique desk), and walked though to a disused room where a ladder leads up into the attic. It's a steep climb, so female attendees would be well advised to wear trousers instead of a skirt! Guy preceded us into the attic, showing us the section in the middle that contains copies of his own books. There were some rare gems, and I took the opportunity to snap up one or two titles that are hard to find elsewhere.

Looking around Guy Smith's attic-cum-bookshop was one of the highlights of the day for me. Although a few people went up there with me, Guy soon left us to our own devices and the other buyers quickly made their selections and returned downstairs (via another ladder at the opposite end of the attic). I stayed in the attic on my own for a long time after everyone else had gone back downstairs, looking through the books and picking out the most collectable items. I could have stayed there a lot longer than I did, and spent a lot more money, but I wanted to save some for the next item on the agenda. So I made my way back to the ground floor, where Guy took me through to the lounge to work out how much my purchases (23 books!) would cost me. They came to £140, which might sound a lot. But I thought that the titles I'd chosen were worth every penny. There were too many books to fit in a bag, so Guy gave me a box instead - a box that formerly contained Jaffa Cakes!

Walking around Guy Smith's house, I was irresistibly reminded of the tardis in Doctor Who. The place seems a lot larger inside than it looks from the outside, perhaps because there are a great many small, cosy rooms rather than a few larger ones. The comparison is apt, too, because outside the house is a replica of the Doctor Who 'police box' !

We went outside, where everyone was lounging around, enjoying the afternoon sun and waiting for Guy to proceed with the next part of the programme - an auction of various Guy N Smith collectables. I was lucky enough to secure an American edition of Satan's Snowdrop, although I was a bit miffed when one of my friends decided to bid against me for one of the lots, a first edition of James Herbert's Haunted and a copy of The Dark Side magazine containing interviews with Herbert and Guy. I decided not to argue when he outbid me, though, as I didn't fancy the idea of walking all the way home to Birmingham!

One of the last lots in the auction was a rather usual item - the actual sheep's skull that appears on the back cover of The Busker, together with a copy of the book inscribed with a message certifying its authenticity (Guy's hand-written inscription states that this particular copy was sold with the skull at auction). Understandably, there was a lot of interest in this item and several people lodged bids. But I was determined to take the skull home with me and eventually managed to win it for the very reasonable price of £30.

Time was marching on, and my friends and I decided that it was almost time to head for home. Before we did, though, we joined in the impromptu photo shoot that was taking place at the top end of the garden. Several people took pictures of Guy, some of which were destined to appear on his web site in due course. Dan took a couple of photos of me with Guy - and that sheep's skull!

Before we left, Guy was kind enough to recommend a few places where we could find a decent pint and some good food. We stopped off at one of those places on the way home, and the food and drink was indeed excellent (unfortunately, I can't recall the name of the place).

On the way home, we chatted about the events of the day and agreed that the experience had been well worth the journey. It was fascinating to finally meet Guy after being a fan for so many years, and refreshing to find him so genial and down to earth. My only regret was that there weren't more people there from the online forum. I later found out that a couple of people had been unable to attend due to car trouble, while others had prior engagements.

But there's always next year's event to look forward to. I would not hesitate to recommend the Guy Smith convention to anyone, and I have a feeling that I will end up becoming a regular!